1. Pigeon Chaser

Eye drop into my dream on the bed
Restrained at the arms I saw box mountain queen, the first ghost that I’d meet, lifted
Dad’s thumb has shattered and bled
The first ghost I’d ever left dead
Mom’s breathy singing was all I had going but I felt protected and ready
To turn up the volume already
I pushed it too far she yelled at me
I spun on the chair and felt Valerie’s squeal and fell happy

Ah I don’t mind a thing
I’ll let you walk the ledge to the park
And watch you chase the pigeons with Kobi
I wear my hair gold like in old pictures
I can smile on a bench where peace knows me
She comes with kids of her own and they look just like me
And I always dreamed of jumping the fence
With a start from the swings I’d whip out my wings at last
On my back I imagine a balance beam act
Like walking the jetty and keep your ankles steady Anne
Don’t slip inside a crevice
But I want your head in the clouds it’s
Been too long since looking
I can hold your hand (and guide you) while you see it
I’d carry you to your father
And I’d carry you over water
I’d rub your back ‘til you’re warm
And then I’d let you fall asleep on my shoulder

Eye drop into my dream on the bed
Restrained at the arms

I see a history quick (get up, ready, set, kid)
My memories aren’t mine they’re just stories I know
And I’m far from my crib (not even a video clip)
I’m not who I once was, I’m a body that carries
The ghosts of its souls (and one of its own)
There are so many things I’m afraid to give up
But in that past I let go (I was too young to drive so…)
Now Mom’s breathy singing would shelter my growth
But I felt protected and ready
To get on the bus already
I never looked back, she keeps yelling (but I wonder, did she yell for me?)
Is it because now that I’m on the bus out she keeps thinking he can’t hear me?

2. Blind

Caught in the middle of daylight
With my night mask on
Didn't know where I was going
On account of a blinding sun
It shone in my eyes with indifference
To who I am or who I was
A child I am
In the brightness persistent
In telling me I am capable of love

To reside in a cavern of darkness
Your vision soon adjusts
At first I clung to the walls
Now I know every crack in this devilish rock
How played out my story began
And how played out is its end
So Saint Peter please
If you're holding the keys
Turn the brights off and just let me fucking in

Sick is the wicked man
Sick is what I am
Destined for redemption
Stuck between a rock and a looping of sin
I ask how to bear the journey
Of coming to see in light
I'll hold out my hands
Palms up for mercy
Admission of being blind

Coveted truth
Convergence I assume


Driving at night through a snowstorm with the brights on is like flying through space
Saving a screen in the 90’s glued to a seat flying through space
And under every bridge all the snow stops and I'm nowhere but it's just for a second and I'm back flying through space
Driving at night through a snowstorm with the brights on is light
Flying at night through a snowstorm

4. Hear Me
Hear me
When I sing, it’s the only time I breathe
It’s the only soft thing in me

5. Idle

These idle hands of mine
Reaching out
Palms up
I ride in place
I'm off the chain
Who knows where I'll go?
The girl knit me a sweater
She said get better
She said "I love you but not when you're like this…"
Left my hands to idle
Now I fantasize of rope
And how it would feel

To sway
And how it would feel
To let my last minute pass
Like a second chance
And let a slow breeze
Guide my idle hands

This dying mind of mine
Whacked out
Fogged up
I wipe the pane
I'm staring straight
Into a black hole
Finger on the lever
I'm a go-getter
Say "I love you all, but fuck this…"
Time for me to idle
In the ether alone
Is this how it feels?

To sway
And now I can feel
Like a wind chime
Crying for the first time
A slow breeze guiding idle hands
I let a slow breeze guide my idle hands

6. One More

One more day lonely
One more day small
I fill the glass and its
Half full
Half full

The fruit has gone rotten
The sink it still leaks
You're on the line but I
Can't speak
Can't speak

I'm still here
In the violent room
What's out there?
Hope I know soon

I can hear laughing
Out in the yard
Rapture avoids me at
All costs
All costs

You said the world's bigger
You said my heart's strong
Well violence is real and I'm
Far gone
Far gone

I'm still here
In the violent room
What's out there?
Hope I know soon

My first voice is cautious
My second voice calm
Surrounded on all sides
By walls
In their silence is violence
In my silence is violence

One more day lonely
One more day small
One more day trying I'm

7. Try Harder

Sam had said when I moved you were unmoving
Though not as often lately I still find myself hoping she was joking
And the necklace somehow became a token of the wasted, the past and its presence
So now sometimes I go to bed
Dreaming hard in my fevers, well I wonder where they keep her in the back of my head
And now of course there’s another, she’s my poisonous bother
But this time I have to see her whenever she’s here
So now sometimes I can hardly go to bed
Cause it keeps me from sleeping
Who am I to keep her? Even in the back of my head

What a waste to be so scared of the next chapter
I can’t feel the same thing twice and so why am I trying?
Gotta drive on, keep my little foot on the trigger
Don’t look back, stop turning around, turn off my cell and keep driving
To new cities, new friends, make some new scars, and write songs
Where I sing a little less, play some new chords and quit yelling
It’s not so bad but I keep myself sad when I’m scared
It’s not hard if I agree to try harder (so try harder)

(So now sometimes) I can hardly go to bed
When my dreaming is a threat
I can hardly go to bed
Cause it keeps me from sleeping
Who am I to keep them?
Things in their memory houses
Who am I to keep them?
Even in the back of my head


8. Creepin

I live in a Disney land
Where kids like me get fast passes
And free slaps at Minnie Mouse's ass
It's asinine
Feel like a mystery unsolved
'Cause I can't figure out the crime
Where's the fuck who casted my role
As Michael Brandon
'Cause I can't stand it
I'm reading all the lines for the hell of it
For this aint romantic anymore
You wanna know me you can go
Ahead and browse all the ads
In my news feed
They're getting personal

Can you prove to me that this is fucking real?
I'm just saying
Can you prove to me that this is fucking real?
I'm just begging for you

To get your shit together
While the ship sinks a little faster
James Cameron on the special effects
Oh what a pleasure
Stereoscopic images
Of your default make me feel better
It's like you're right here
In hell with me
Dwell with me
On the thought of eternity
Without end
We are but one grain of fucking sand
In a house of mirrors
With motion blur filters
So I pop the pill
And get distilled for the thrill

I'll turn your green into origami
I'll turn your heart into a fine salami
Come find your love 'cause I lost it probably
In my kaleidoscopic frame of reference
I hope my mom gets this
And if she doesn't let me spell it out
I am way too smart to go and get settled down
So release the breath you're holding
Into my dystopia
Where this dream is unfolding
My god

Everything you know's a lie

9. Don't Worry

And I’d write you a song with no tapping
But would hitting a snare be alright?
But would hitting a snare be alright? Would you care about drumming?
And I’ll make an ending real catchy
One that compliments your voice
One you could sing me all breathy protecting
Something to cover our noisy
Chatter and the can’t help but tapping


10. Siam

I looked out into the bay
I saw it all
In the dimples on your face
A wild song
And there it goes
Turn it off
Turn it

Turn the damn page
Watch the screen; things change
Raised the anchor
Out to sea
Now I can't see land
Missy and Erica I'm sorry
Wish I was a better man
Put my heart into a coma
Instead of in your hands
I feel like Camus' stranger
One snap from throwing it all away
You see I cannot stand the
Mere thought of another day
I'm jumping out no parachute on
Hold me close before I'm gone
Catch me if you can
Hank me Tom
Or turn it off